2 Delicious Meats

I am a pathetic man or at least I think I am.  I have little self-confidence. I read online that a way to help build some self-confidence was to keep a “Positive Journal.” In this journal you are to write down 5 positive things that you did for that day.  So I did.  My girlfriend, Nikki decided one day to read this journal.

She laughed when she came across the entry for July 8, 2010 that read: “I had two delicious meats.”.  Not I prepared two great meals. I had 2 delicious meats. .  Right then and there my journal stopped and I again began thinking I was pathetic. 

To this day 2 delicious meats still haunt me.  Nikki and I were talking about possible wedding plans for our future and we were talking about the food.  She said we should have our favorite dessert instead of a cake. I said well that would be cool how about some edible undies and Juju beans?

Then she proposed the idea that we should feed our families what we as individuals like.  “Ronald,” Nikki said. “I could feed my family spaghetti and you could feed yours 2 delicious meats.”. 

“Hey…Fuck you.”

I don’t understand why this is so god damn funny to her.  All I was trying to do was give myself a little confidence boost and there goes Nikki busting my balls about some delicious meat that I grilled up almost a year ago.  I’m proud of my meat.  I thought I could share my meat with her. 

My meat was so good I would share it with everyone if I could. If everyone could have just one taste of my meat then she would know why I wrote it down.  Meat like this only comes around once in a butcher’s life time.

I enjoy my meat.  I really don’t think women enjoy their meat as much as men enjoy theirs.  We love everything about our meat.  The shape, the size, the texture, the juices. Even if our meat may be undersized; WE FUCKING LOVE OUR MEATS.  If someone were to take a bite of our meat we would hurt said person. And we love to stick our meat in other meat.

I have since quit writing in the positive journal because Nikki sucked the soul out of it.  I have however started a negative journal and I am positive there will be no meats in it.  Here’s to my keeping low self-confidence.

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