Comedy is like one of your sets, full of ups and downs.Â In my first year (or probably more because I donâ€™t remember when I started) I have three upsets that I would like to share with everyone interested or not interested in becoming a comic.Â
Upset #1 Comedy isnâ€™t easy
Yes it easy to make fuckers laugh around the water cooler; one good dick joke and half of the office rolls and the other half is offended because they donâ€™t have one of their own.Â What about getting up in front of people that you have no idea who they are or where they came from or what makes them laugh.Â Each of those is its own monster.Â It makes it hard not knowing what people think is funny, but what I have learned is; fuck those people who donâ€™t laugh.Â Not every joke is for everyone but its way better to tell it to a group of people you donâ€™t know because theyâ€™re not going to fire you later in the afternoon because someone is offended.Â
Upset #2 Bombing is hard
Bombing another country would have less damage on your self-esteem than bombing on stage alone.Â
You think your girlfriend leaving you was hard? At least when your girlfriend leaves you itâ€™s just you and her. Unless sheâ€™s an unruly cunt bag and does it in public.Â Well what if you think you are funny and you go up on stage and no one laughs? They donâ€™t even look at you because theyâ€™re so embarrassed for you.Â Bombing on stage will make you question why you havenâ€™t killed yourself yet because your bits made you look like such a twice used douche bag and people watched you doucheâ€¦in person.Â Bombing is not a maybe, itâ€™s a yeah youâ€™re gonna do it so get ready for it.Â My first year has let me know that unless youâ€™re prepared and have some funny shit, they are going to eat you up.Â
Upset #3 You canâ€™t quit
Just when you thought you were going to quit comedy, the audience laughs, then you bomb again, then they laugh some more.Â This is when comedy turns gangster.Â You thought, like being a gangster, maybe Iâ€™ll just try it a little bit.Â Now youâ€™re in the game. You canâ€™t leave. You need it. Youâ€™ll quit your day job, leave your woman, and sell your house for it.Â Itâ€™s a country song without the shitty lyrics.Â The feeling you get after only five minutes of making people laugh is better than any drug or orgasm or combination of both you could ever have.Â And even if you do quitâ€¦it never shuts off.
Those are only three upsets.Â If you can get past at least those threeâ€¦welcome to the club.
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