I know this picture doesn’t go with the title but yesterday I sat next to the man I like to call StinkStankStunk. From the moment he sat down it was like he had washed his clothes in bad breath and I was locked on the inside of a double seat.
As he was leaning over to speak with his buddies sitting in front of me while invading my space this nearly made me want to commit a hate crime. The I hate the fact you think it’s okay to Lean your StinkStankStunk ass into my personal unpersonable bubble.
However, Â revenge was mine. When I calmly said excuse me to get out if the seat. StinkStankStunk mearly(sp?) turned his body instead of evacuating the seat for my fatass to get out. I said really dude? Then proceeded to rub my fat ass in his face.
I realize you’re not from the states but learn the social norms dickhead; shower, rinse, move.
This is where a bum peed about 15 minutes ago as I was waiting for my bus. I failed to take a picture of him because I am an idiot.
Smacked some poor guy in the head putting this sign up. Sorry guy.
Last night (May 20, 2011) at the Corner CafÃ© there was a spectacular show.Â It was a show for the ages.Â People were out right crazy.Â People were prepared to die laughing for the apocalypse.Â What we found out at the stroke of midnight was that nothing happened.Â We were all naked for no reason.Â
Once we were aware that the rapture failed to come everyone quietly put on their clothes and continued watching the show.
The show itself was amazing.Â Every comedian brought their best stuff.Â It was like a sundae with all the toppings.Â That is if the toppings were jokes of ice cream sprinkled with laughter.Â â€˜Twas a joyance occasion that will be talked about for years to come.Â
The Post Gazette raved this morningâ€¦ The apocalypse killed no one but the comedians at Corner CafÃ© sure as hell did.Â Even then man playing guitarâ€¦wasnâ€™t that bad!
I did. I played the guitar and peed in my pants.Â I played the three songs that I knew over and over and over.Â What other choice did I have? People needed entertainment.Â I played The Foo Fighterâ€™s â€œBig meâ€, followed by just the beginning of Shinedownâ€™s cover of Lynard Skynardâ€™s â€œSimple Manâ€, and finished up with my original called â€œSea World.â€Â I also started my set with, â€œThe Host is gay.â€ So four songs.Â Whatever.Â
I tried to add the video I recorded but for some reason it said the video was not found. Maybe tomorrow?Â
As for me Iâ€™m heading to bed.Â I hope you enjoyed the show last night and are able to live another day to party again for the next apocalypse.
I hear the Apocalypse is coming to town on Saturday, May 21, 2011.Â Why not celebrate it today, tomorrow and quite possibly the rest of your life with an ice cold Ayinger beer.Â I usually donâ€™t do reviews but today is about 2 days before the end of days so I will give something praise in hopes of â€œmaking itâ€ in heaven.Â
As I was with my family at a Giant Eagle (pretend to be) Market District I was browsing the oceanic beer selection they had for a good wheat beer. Iâ€™m usually a Hoegaarden guy but some how I stumbled upon this German beaut.Â When I first seen it I thought it was just another beer.Â Low and behold the celebration-ness this beer holds was tactful, tasteful and what I declare perfect for the demise of the human race.Â
After doing a Google search on this beer I found that this one beer is the beer of beers.Â The AYINGER WEBSITE tells of its vast family history and frothy goodness.Â They use locally-grown barley and wheat to produce their 12 different beers. Local? Yes! Freshness! If this beer wasnâ€™t touched by the gods and able to save your soul I donâ€™t know what is.Â
The beer that I drank Ayingerâ€™s Ur-Weisse (pictured), was not your typical wheat beer either.Â It is a Dark Wheat Ale.Â What that means is; I have no fucking idea, except it makes it delicious. You should drink it.Â The tastey foam in combination with the sparkling liquid will send your beer buds into an MMMing frenzy.Â Itâ€™s not one of those thick ass, dark lager beers so it wonâ€™t destroy your digestive tract.Â Â Â
I heard the May 21st Apocalypse people believe if you are still alive on Saturday you are going to hell. So if thatâ€™s the case drink lots of Ayingers.Â Then when you wake up in the morning with a hang over and see theyâ€™re still alive too you can laugh at these tards and still feel good about yourself because theyâ€™re going to hell with you.Â The only difference is you had an awesome time celebrating nothing with Ayinger.
I was on the Haters for Hire podcast a week or so ago but I was being hated on by none other than haters for hireâ€¦without pay of course.Â Recently I was invited to join Derek Minto on his 1 year anniversary podcast.Â Although Derek has a Jewy Amish hair cut he is surprisingly broke, shitty at farming andÂ funny.Â
While at Papa J’s Derek selectively asked the all 9 comedians that were at the bar to hop on this special “Clusterfuck” episode by slipping us each a note, roofy and threatening to shoot our mothers in the back of the neck with a rubber band gun.Â
The other 8 comedians are my kind of people; desperate, starving for attention and starving. They and I had no clue what was going on when we did our spots and neither will you when you listen.
Some day I hope to be as daring, fragile and talented as Derek but until then listen and subscribe to Haters for Hire
Subscribe in iTunes
Listen to the Episode