I have a destiny. Along the way Iâ€™d like to pick up Spanish as a second language. Only problem is, itâ€™s hard like playing brail Scrabble by yourself. Iâ€™ve been trying to get my family in on it; an 8 year old girl and my girlfriend. They want to learn Spanish like Carrot Top wants to sit in the Arizona sun for 2 hours. Well my crispy senoritas Iâ€™ve got the SPF 97 coconut scented sunscreen.
My daughter thinks everything I try to teach her is 1. Wrong, 2, Boring, and 3. â€œStop Dad, youâ€™re embarrassing me and why do I have to do this anyways I donâ€™t want to learn it. Why do I have to learn in the first place?â€
â€œBecause I want to be able to talk shit on people with you behind their backs and hope they donâ€™t know how to speak Spanish. I mean, EspaÃ±ol.â€
I have been working with her and come to the conclusion that she has this phrase down. â€œNot right now! Iâ€™m trying to play!â€
My girlfriend is my next target. I wake up, â€œBuenos Dias!!!â€
â€œDie Ronald. Just Die.â€
â€œI donâ€™t understand you said you wanted to learn EspaÃ±ol,â€ the word EspaÃ±ol said in perfect EspaÃ±ol.
â€œITâ€™S 5:30 in the morning A-HOLE!!â€
â€œWhat better way to fire your synapses then with some Spanish in the morning?â€
â€œI donâ€™t get up until 7:00 jerkâ€
I know it doesnâ€™t mean much but I think Iâ€™m getting pretty good at brail Scrabble.
Daughter Round 2â€¦
Me, â€œHey kid, wanna go to the library and learn about Mexican culture?â€
So we go to the library and the person teaching the Mexican culture is trying to teach them how to speak some Spanish.
Kid says, â€œMy Dad is teaching me Spanish!â€
Suddenly, several single mothers also attending the library function coo and awe in delight of a father interacting with his child. My heart suddenly gets light as the thought of all the neighborhoodâ€™s desperate housewives will soon be cooking me dinner. My girlfriend leans over and whispers, â€œDonâ€™t even think about it,â€ as the smile on my face is suggests, whip cream isnâ€™t just for strawberries.
â€œSo did you have fun kid?â€
â€œWanna learn some more EspaÃ±ol?â€
â€œWanna buy me some ice cream?â€
I can now play brail Scrabble with my eyes closed.