Day 50 – Hipster Culture = Self Loathing Morons

It has come to my attention that I in fact cannot stand the hipster culture. I’m sure that the individual is just fine and dandy but everything else is equitable to puking semen back up. I don’t get your whole it’s not cool so were going to do it because it’s cool to not do/wear/say cool things. I know I’m not the coolest person but I know wearing tight jeans and rolling them up to mid-calf isn’t just so you keep your jeans from getting caught in your bike chain on your way to where ever you don’t have to be.

When did you all decide to become tribal? Gauged earrings? Those are the wind chimes of the unemployed. Or maybe it’s because you won’t be stretching out any vaginas out anytime soon. I read once that a girl liked hers fucked. Really? How big are your gauges or small is your man’s dick? What’s going to happen when one rips or when you decide that gauged earrings are the worst fad since a mullet? “Oh hi, yeah my ear lobes look like saggy boobs with holes in them. What? You don’t want my number? But I’m normal again.”

I bet any money this is a movement from the Emo culture because it got “too cool.” What’s next? You guys are all going to be wearing garbage bags and jeans you find in the dumpster and call yourselves the stay at homeless with my parents?

I’ve also noticed you guys follow bands that have no groupies. I was at a bar the other night and the only people that came out of the room were men. Is the loud noise just to cover up the moans and groans of passion? Being gay is fine. Being straight and following a band that’s picked up in their mothers minivans because that’s they’re only groupie so you bang each other is not.

It’s great to be individualistic. Just don’t go all Last of the Mohicans on your ears and tie-die yourself in hippy while throwing on your parents old glasses and ask me to do some slam poetry. I get that you have a guitar and a voice. But what are you really saying besides you loath yourself with regretful lyrics of uncanny posture and lovelessness because you can’t get a date on your bicycle.

Just saying.

Love you.

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