This morning my girlfriend told me that I needed to calmly evacuate the bathroom.  I said fine. I will leave so you may attend to your little menstrosity. 

As far as I am concerned periods are over rated whether they are in a sporting event or in a woman’s genitalia.  There’s nearly no time out of the month that is unaffected.

Be advised these weeks may happen during any week of a month, within the span of one month or two month period but will always be delivered in this order in a total of 30 to 31 days. .  So make sure when you start dating a woman or take one home you find out which week she is in and stay on task.

Week 1:.  PMS.  Most men are clueless as to when PMS begins. PMS is pre, but can be post depending on your actions during the present.  As always this stage of the cycle is usually filled with jealousy and last second lust that a woman craves. This is also the week we are sent packing to grab so absorbent materials. I prefer to get the newspaper because she can use it when I’m finished reading.  When you’re finally a man this is not a problem, this is called free time. 

Week 2: Menstrosity. I used to have a friend that liked to hit for the cycle, he didn’t play baseball though.  The second week is probably the most oh faced crazed week.  Normally women just want you to have it out with them because they feel ugly. They totally miss the idea that their body just failed to create a baby and has replaced that fact to you with, “You don’t love me,” just to bang one fucking thing with another. 

Week 3: Cool Down.  Ah finally.  Almost time to have that special person back in your life. Unfortunately he got married has two kids and his wife won’t let him see you either.  This week we talk about our feelings with each other and make sure if there was no magic last week that we perform a David Blaine endurance trick during this week.

. Week 4: Freedom…or so you thought.  This week has really no period symptoms in it.  This week is devoted to planning. This planning is for you, not for her. She has plans on how to annoy you, where to send you to get the necessary absorbent material and when she will cry in public to make you look like a dick.  The factory cannot create a product without proper planning. The factory owner has made a few adjustments to your work load this month so get used to it and be prepared to work overtime. 

. I’m in Week 3. What week are you in?

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