Tag Archives: Interview

Few Series – John Pridmore

Here’s how it goes. I send an interview e-mail, they reply, I reply, they reply, pencil’s down.

John Pridmore is a Pittsburgh based comic who has performed all over the original 13 colonies. He’s opened for Dan Boulger, Sean Quinn, Nikki Glaser, and T.J. Miller. He runs the comedy open mic tuesdays at the smiling moose in the Southside in Pittsburgh.

RONALD RENWICK: Let’s hit this out of the gate. Did comedy turn you openly gay?

JOHN PRIDMORE: No, being openly gay turned me into a comic.

RENWICK: Which is better?

PRIDMORE: Doesn’t matter. Either way I’m getting fucked in the ass.

RENWICK: What is your scratch off ticket strategy?

PRIDMORE: Scratch a ticket…become a millionaire

RENWICK: Does your family care you’re… well…. a comedian?

PRIDMORE: They don’t approve of the lifestyle

RENWICK: Are they unaware that you could also be polish?

PRIDMORE: I am Polish. Most of my family knows. There are a few who don’t but that’s because they’re Polish

RENWICK: Tied, bottom 9, 2 outs, and there’s full count; are you swinging for contact or the fence?

PRIDMORE: Are you asking if I’m a bottom?

RENWICK: Well are/will you?

PRIDMORE: I do what I need to do but I prefer to be on top.

RENWICK: Jesus wrote the Catcher in the Rye, who wrote the bible?

PRIDMORE: Erma Bombeck

RENWICK: Wow, I she’s so old I had to Google her to see who she was. Do you believe in either of them?

PRIDMORE: I believe in Erma Bombeck.

RENWICK: Does this picture of me do anything for ya?

PRIDMORE: It makes me wonder why you’re wearing three shirts.

RENWICK: I’m actually only wearing one shirt. It’s a stripe on my shorts. How about this one?

PRIDMORE: Nudity please!

RENWICK: If it’s always sunny in Philadelphia what is it in Pittsburgh?

PRIDMORE: Closed

RENWICK: When do you think it will open?

PRIDMORE: At 6:00 a.m.

RENWICK: What’s your favorite car?

PRIDMORE: You know I’m gay, right?

RENWICK: You’re gay?

PRIDMORE: Only for you, baby. Mwah.

RENWICK: Ever been in a fist fight?

PRIDMORE: Yes. I’m tougher than I look.

RENWICK: What’s your record?

PRIDMORE: The last real fight I got into was in 8th grade. He gave me a bloody nose and I gave him a black eye. Also, I broke my hand punching my best friend in the face.

RENWICK: You often look frail. Maybe you should eat some vegetables.

PRIDMORE: I eat lots of veggies. I’m just fragile.

RENWICK: Do lesbians use double headed toothbrushes?

PRIDMORE: I don’t understand the question.

RENWICK: They use double headed dildos. I was just wondering if you could shed some light on other facets of their lives.

PRIDMORE: Don’t get me started on the lesbians. Gawd!

RENWICK: What’s the most annoying kind of co-worker?

PRIDMORE: The kind that keeps his job when I lose mine.

RENWICK: You have the most uncanny attire for a man of your stature. Why is that?

PRIDMORE: I wear what I want because (at least in that respect) I just don’t give a fuck.

RENWICK: What’s your favorite thing to do on stage?

PRIDMORE: Frontal nudity.

RENWICK: Damn, I must have missed that show. Will there be another?

PRIDMORE: Trying to put together a show at a nudist colony. Want to be on it?

RENWICK: You see me from across the bar, what’s your pick up line?

PRIDMORE: Want this in your mouth?

RENWICK: Why yes are you offering me a beer?

PRIDMORE: Hot Toddy

RENWICK: Shortcuts or the long way?

PRIDMORE: Long way

RENWICK: Would you consider this interview the long way?

PRIDMORE: No, I would consider this the incredibly tedious and annoying route. Can we be done talking now…forever.

THIS INTERVIEW IS OVER!!

As you can see John is a loveable guy who wants my cock. You can usually find him lingering around The Smiling Moose hosting the comedy themed open mic every Tuesday at 10:00. He’s on facebook and twitter @johnpridmore. His latest tweets spark controversy with Roseanne Barr. Good Shit.

Few Series – Derek Minto

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Here’s how it goes; I send an interview e-mail they reply, I reply, they reply, pencils down.

One of the best in-your-face comedians in the game today. Derek Minto tells stories of his unpredictable drunken episodes that he un-calmly pieces together for you on stage in an exciting montage of colorful language and frizzy Amish/Jew hair. Derek is a guy who reminds you that no one pays for lawn furniture and anything goes on stage. He produces a weekly podcast that even a black man would say, “Don’t hate the player, hate the game son,” in his rocket powered chainsaw music themed, Haters for Hire, that he uses to chop inside of comedians then throw in a barrage of Q&A, sprinkled with interesting news.

I sent the e-mail and here’s what happened…

Ronald Renwick: Do you feel slighted by your parents for the name Derek?

Derek Minto: Fuck no! My mom was a bad ass bitch for naming me Derek. There were very few Dereks growing up so most people would remember my name. Also, do you know what Derek means? “Leader of Men”. It’s basically my mom’s way of hinting I would be the John Connor of the Future.

Renwick: If you are the leader of men I will only be drinking the Kool-Aid depending on the flavor.

Minto: Well assuming all of this is taking place in a post-apocalyptic future, the flavor would be Reprocessed Human Bio-Soy.

Renwick: Do you enjoy Post-it notes as much as I do?

Minto: As I am unware of your love of post-it notes up until this point, I would have to say no.

Renwick: Maybe you are unaware of the little things in life?

Minto: Well I generally try to avoid anything that will make me look fatter then I already am. So little things aren’t good for my body images. That’s why I all my friends are bouncers.

Renwick: Flipboard is my favorite iPhone app; would you ever punch a woman in the face?

Minto: Interesting, my favorite is the one with the boobs. If you would of asked me five years ago, I would of told you no. After being an adult in the real world I have meet plenty of women who have deserved to be decked in the face one way or another. Your sex does not determine your capacity to be a giant fucking asshole.

Renwick: I didn’t ask you about your masturbation habits. What are your masturbation habits?

Minto: With Gusto!

Renwick: We have both confessed our love to one another for baked goods. What’s you favie?

Minto: Mini-Pies. I will give no further explanation as there is not one needed.

Renwick: You appear intelligent is that correct?

Minto: Eh, I just more self-aware then anything. Three degrees from a private university has taught me that I am smart enough to recognize when I fail at something but that I am not smart enough to prevent being a colossal failure at almost everything.

Renwick: Please solve this problem. If x < 0, then (-x * |x|)^1/2 is?

Minto: WHOA MOTHERFUCKER YOU SAID THERE WOULD BE NO MATH ON THIS.

Renwick: What won’t you itch in public?

Minto: I usually avoid my balls as it’s never a good look to be itching your gentiles in public. Whenever I see someone doing the old meat and potato shuffle, I think that there must be something seriously wrong with their junk if they HAVE to scratch it in public. Everything else is fair game.

Renwick: Mmmm meat and potatoes. There’s nothing better than meat and potatoes than meat and?

Minto: Even more meat?

Renwick: I fucking hate.

Minto: Sweating. I KNOW RIGHT!? I honest to fuck hate sweating. Which is kinda funny because I don’t like to exercise because it makes me sweat. But if I started exercising more, I would sweat less.

Renwick: Sex is a candid exercise. You should try more of that.

Minto: Good call. I’ll Google that later

Renwick: Who is the hottest chick on Friends?

Minto: Ross, Dinosaurs are hot

Renwick: Fuck you.

Minto: It’s not my fault Jurassic Park scared the fuck out of you when you were 18 years old. They aren’t coming back man. Get over it.

Renwick: You once grew a goatee that made you look like a grown man. Did it make you feel the same?

Minto: No actually, I grew a full one for the first time over the summer. I had tried to grow mustaches in the past but I found I just didn’t like it at all. It felt like it was trying too hard to look cool.

Renwick: Did it make you look rapey?

Minto: I think that’s the definition of trying to hard

Renwick: Have you showered today?

Minto: No, I never shower before answering personal emails at work. My job has a loose as fuck dress code. I wear flip flops and cut offs all the time.

Renwick: You do realize this e-mail will go global and stay impersonal and tarnish your “good boy” image.

Minto: My boss is using an invoice as a napkin. I’ll think I will be fine.

Renwick: Super market or eat out?

Minto: I like cooking so super market is best. Also, I have impressed many a lady with my cooking skills.

Renwick: Would you impress me?

Minto: Depends, I usually just make a box of instant mash potatoes and then sculpt them into a giant penis. The ladies usually get the message.

Renwick: Why am I asking so many god damn food questions.

Minto: Because you want to unlock the secret of being a giant fat asshole like me. It’s not nearly as cool as you would think.

Renwick: I’ve seen you sweat. You hardly stay cool.

Minto: Jazz cool

Renwick: Favorite comic strip?

Minto: Pearls before Swine. The comic creator regularly shows up as a character which is pretty amusing.

Renwick: Why the hell aren’t you in it? (I’m not calling you a swine. FYI)

Minto: I don’t know. I should be talking to my agent about booking me parts in comics i guess

Renwick: Hardest part about doing a podcast?

Minto: Keeping on top of creating episodes.

Renwick: In the realm of the unfuckables I am king. Who are you?

Minto: I am the mayor of one of your tiny villages, noonewantstofuckthisguyville.

Renwick: You owe me taxes.

Minto: Yah, and your never getting them either. I didn’t vote for you.

THIS INTERVIEW IS OVER.

Well there you have it. A very clean cut man that will charm the pants off of any lady, by cooking her a mashed potato penis after he answers his personal e-mails and takes a shower. You can catch Derek hosting the Smiling Moose Open Mic on Tuesdays starting at 10:00ish and at Hambone’s starting at 9:00ish. Don’t forget to check out his podcast at www.hatersforhire.com or on iTunes.

Day 10 – You have to Keep Moving

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We all want better for ourselves. Most people will never make anything of themselves. I don’t mean superstar or astronaut either. Most people lack the motivation to be a decent parent. I’ve said it before and I’ll type it now; motivation is like food or water, you need some everyday.

What stops most of us from reaching our goals or even attempting our goals is fear. Fear alone is enough to keep a man locked in his basement playing video games or a woman crammed in the kitchen baking delicious treats. I’ve come to find it takes a jolt in someone’s life to get them moving from the couch to what they thought life was meant to be.

I was stabbed at 19. That was my jolt. The jolt didn’t really set in though for about 6 months to a year. I never got that, “This is your second chance at life moment,” or felling. I had no intentions on going to college or taking over my pop’s boat store. Neither seemed like options that I wanted to take. Even my brother told me before I got stabbed, “Go to college. It’s an experience I wish I had under my belt.” Sure maybe he meant outside of the classroom experience but he also meant, “This is a sneaky way of telling you to get an education.”

When I finally decided to go to college it was last moment. I had to hurry and write essays and turn in all of my paper work to a local college. I picked Thiel College. A faith based college I really had no interest in going to because it was too close to home. I longed for freedom and independence. My dad told me to go and I could help him work at the boat store and maybe if I was still in college transfer to one farther away. I did. Good grades and one stupid decision later to follow a girl got me to Indiana University of Pennsylvania.

I don’t regret the decision now. I did then. Never in your life should you follow around a set of tits that want to be milked by a different farmer. I did anyways. One good thing that came out of it though I found my girlfriend now and we are still together taking care of my kid. To which my dad told, “I never thought he’d make it through college.” Thanks dad you fucker

When I was 21 I envisioned going to college then when I graduated getting my daughter because at the time she was staying with her mother. I had also envisioned moving to Pittsburgh. It all happened. It was all a vision come true. Sure it took 4 and a half years to do, but I did it. I got a job soon after.

The job that I still hold today is not one that I had planned on staying this long but I made a new vision because I seen the last one with my eyes. I was reading the Pittsburgh City Paper and I came across an ad for an open mic. A comedy open mic to be exact. I thought to myself that’s the plan. Start telling jokes and I’ll be out of here in a year. If you are a comedian you are dying laughing right now because as a comedian I now know that is nearly impossible, especially with my schedule. I’m sure it could happen don’t get me wrong but you would need to devote all of your time out of work to doing comedy.

Time. That’s all I have now. The rest of my life. A new vision. A better tomorrow. I once wrote down what my vision was. I still hold it in my head. I think about it from time to time. It keeps me motivated along with a nice quote I find from day to day. It’s been 3 years since that day. I’m not where I’d like to be but I still have fear.

Fear. You are a cunt. I hate you. If I could fuck your girlfriend, I would and I can. Every time I get on stage or write a new joke I’m sticking it in a little deeper. How’s it feel fear? I get that you are still dating and have no idea I’m coming to take you out. But here I am.

Baby steps. The only shortcut to your success is hard work. I preach it to my daughter everyday. It is indeed the truth. I am still not where I want to be in life. But it’s a journey. It’s a long ass hike up a mountain. If I may I wouldn’t suggest walking your dog up a mountain because when I lived in Germany with my sister I was drunk walking the dog up a mountain and it pulled me down and I lost my passport. Totally different story I know.

The impossible mountain isn’t climbed in a day. It is however very climbable. You just have to find your path to the top. You have to make your own path. You can’t take someone else’s or follow them because they aren’t you and won’t share the same experiences. Sure, you can watch them climb the same mountain and take some pointers for things that get in your way, but you have to walk the line. There will be impassable boundaries but find a way around. It’s easier than you think. Whatever you do don’t quit and when you get to the top let out your devil’s yell. A vision isn’t real until you put it out into the world.

Few Series – Justin Markuss

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Here’s how it goes. I send an interview e-mail they reply, I reply, they reply, pencil’s down.

Justin was born and raised in Pittsburgh. He is well known on the Pittsburgh comedy scene as he was a staple at the Pittsburgh Funny Bone and can be seen in and around the tri-state area at various venues. He has opened for many funny comedians, notably: Lisa Lampanelli, TJ Miller, Arte Lange, and Harry Anderson from Night Court. You will get to know Justin throughout his act which consists of bold honesty and hints of sarcasm. He finds himself navigating his way through adulthood (“fun”) which entails marriage and dealing with the stress of making of baby. One can appreciate his keen observation of the world he walks through. Justin’s interaction with the crowd and improvisation skills makes every show unique. The best compliment he will take is how relatable his material is to your lives.

RONALD RENWICK: Why are you still in Pittsburgh?

JUSTIN MARKUSS: Marriage, family, health insurance, money, fries on sandwiches.

RENWICK: You do realize they have health insurance in other states right?

MARKUSS: Yes, but they don’t have the job security my wife (OR nurse) has here with UPMC being the monopoly that it is. And yes, I am sure moving to an overpopulated, overtaxed area with a 1000 times the dregs of society we have here, there will be day jobs just waiting for me comparable to the one I have now. As much as I love comedy, I do want to have a family too…I’m goofy like that. Well, as a person with a comic mind may say, kids = material, but that sounds selfish, then again most comics are Things that are meant to happen, happen. It’s the waiting game that depresses us all.

RENWICK: Describe the Pittsburgh comedy scene in 145 characters or less.

MARKUSS: I cannot do 145 impressions, let alone one. So I will just speak for myself in my own voice, not a character in which I put on my hand as a gimmick (of course this is a joke, I am computer savvy – You don’t know ‘bout my bandwidth son!). I feel there is a lot of talent here that is not well represented or respected – some fault can be put on the comedian himself/herself for this. I really cannot stand some audiences here. I don’t think Pittsburgh crowds are open enough to certain material. They are too stubborn; often want Pittsburgh references and Pittsburgh-ese. They can’t get outside of their box and enjoy themselves. On a side note, I think we need more comedy clubs here with bookers that have experience within the comedy industry.

RENWICK: What do you put on your hand?

MARKUSS: Purell

RENWICK: If Tom Arnold gave you advice what do you think it would be?

MARKUSS: You should have never got married.

RENWICK: What if your wife was Rosanne?

MARKUSS: You would have never had to ask me question 1 if this was the case.

RENWICK: Was JFK the Caesar of his time?

MARKUSS: Does he have a salad named after him?

RENWICK: I don’t think so but they do sell salads at JFK Stadium.

MARKUSS: I would love to see the tossed salad sweep ran to perfection…what?

RENWICK: I hear you’re trying to make a baby. Do you need instructions and/or help?

MARKUSS: An accident would have been nice.

RENWICK: I thought you were one?

MARKUSS: Indeed, I was, or “not planned” as my parents would put it.

RENWICK: Has rap gone downhill?

MARKUSS: What is rap?

RENWICK: According to Google: Strike (a hard surface) with a series of rapid audible blows, esp. in order to attract attention: “he stood up and rapped the table”.

Do you keep your pimp hand strong?

MARKUSS: It has a ring on it now, so I am unsure of it’s physical nature.

RENWICK: If you were involved in a fatal bus crash who do you think was driving?

MARKUSS: This interview.

RENWICK: This says a lot about your child to be’s personality.

MARKUSS: ….

RENWICK: The most challenging part of comedy would be?

MARKUSS: Comedy

RENWICK: What about cage fighting?

MARKUSS: Well, there is a fair amount of cock fighting that goes on in this industry. Why not?

RENWICK: Who are you voting for?

MARKUSS: Captain Crunch

RENWICK: I think he has a fair chance in the Republican race, but is he old enough to run?

MARKUSS: Been around since 1963, so perhaps a little young yet. Ron Paul would probably make him look stupid as he has the other candidates.

RENWICK: You have a chance to do late-night. Leno, Letterman, or O’Brien?

MARKUSS: Conan

RENWICK: You are clearly unaware that he grows a far superior beard than you. Some would say godlike.

MARKUSS: This is true, but his show tends to be the best in terms of supporting comedians and giving them proper airtime.

RENWICK: Do you ever plan on going to China?

MARKUSS: 隶草 / 隸草隶草 / 隸草

RENWICK: It’s interesting when you put it that way. Will you take a canoe over and become a police officer?

MARKUSS: I am still trying to find the hooded man in the canoe.

That’s Justin in a nutshell. A sarcastic sensibility with real life issues that I wouldn’t want a subscription to.

Upcoming shows: He can often be seen performing during the week at the Smiling Moose and Corner Café in the South Side. Other than that, he will be performing in most places people will not travel to in PA, but you can see him locally at the Samuel J Foundation Comedy Benefit at the Doubletree Hotel in Green Tree March 3rd and at Club Café (Steel City Comedy Tour Event) May 19th.