Ronald talks about flying, the highschooler who won the lottery and his imminent down fall, the dentist, and the make the make Ronald look like a horse in his podcast picture contest. Send your submissions to ronald@ronaldrenwick.com. Win a t-shirt. As always no names will be dropped.
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Here’s how it goes. I send an interview e-mail, they reply, I reply, they reply, pencil’s down.
John Pridmore is a Pittsburgh based comic who has performed all over the original 13 colonies. He’s opened for Dan Boulger, Sean Quinn, Nikki Glaser, and T.J. Miller. He runs the comedy open mic tuesdays at the smiling moose in the Southside in Pittsburgh.
RONALD RENWICK: Let’s hit this out of the gate. Did comedy turn you openly gay?
JOHN PRIDMORE: No, being openly gay turned me into a comic.
RENWICK: Which is better?
PRIDMORE: Doesn’t matter. Either way I’m getting fucked in the ass.
RENWICK: What is your scratch off ticket strategy?
PRIDMORE: Scratch a ticket..become a millionaire
RENWICK: Does your family care you’re… well…. a comedian?
PRIDMORE: They don’t approve of the lifestyle
RENWICK: Are they unaware that you could also be polish?
PRIDMORE: I am Polish. Most of my family knows. There are a few who don’t but that’s because they’re Polish
RENWICK: Tied, bottom 9, 2 outs, and there’s full count; are you swinging for contact or the fence?
PRIDMORE: Are you asking if I’m a bottom?
RENWICK: Well are/will you?
PRIDMORE: I do what I need to do but I prefer to be on top.
RENWICK: Jesus wrote the Catcher in the Rye, who wrote the bible?
PRIDMORE: Erma Bombeck
RENWICK: Wow, I she’s so old I had to Google her to see who she was. Do you believe in either of them?
PRIDMORE: I believe in Erma Bombeck.
RENWICK: Does this picture of me do anything for ya?
PRIDMORE: It makes me wonder why you’re wearing three shirts.
RENWICK: I’m actually only wearing one shirt. It’s a stripe on my shorts. How about this one?
PRIDMORE: Nudity please!
RENWICK: If it’s always sunny in Philadelphia what is it in Pittsburgh?
PRIDMORE: Closed
RENWICK: When do you think it will open?
PRIDMORE: At 6:00 a.m.
RENWICK: What’s your favorite car?
PRIDMORE: You know I’m gay, right?
RENWICK: You’re gay?
PRIDMORE: Only for you, baby. Mwah.
RENWICK: Ever been in a fist fight?
PRIDMORE: Yes. I’m tougher than I look.
RENWICK: What’s your record?
PRIDMORE: The last real fight I got into was in 8th grade. He gave me a bloody nose and I gave him a black eye. Also, I broke my hand punching my best friend in the face.
RENWICK: You often look frail. Maybe you should eat some vegetables.
PRIDMORE: I eat lots of veggies. I’m just fragile.
RENWICK: Do lesbians use double headed toothbrushes?
PRIDMORE: I don’t understand the question.
RENWICK: They use double headed dildos. I was just wondering if you could shed some light on other facets of their lives.
PRIDMORE: Don’t get me started on the lesbians. Gawd!
RENWICK: What’s the most annoying kind of co-worker?
PRIDMORE: The kind that keeps his job when I lose mine.
RENWICK: You have the most uncanny attire for a man of your stature. Why is that?
PRIDMORE: I wear what I want because (at least in that respect) I just don’t give a fuck.
RENWICK: What’s your favorite thing to do on stage?
PRIDMORE: Frontal nudity.
RENWICK: Damn, I must have missed that show. Will there be another?
PRIDMORE: Trying to put together a show at a nudist colony. Want to be on it?
RENWICK: You see me from across the bar, what’s your pick up line?
PRIDMORE: Want this in your mouth?
RENWICK: Why yes are you offering me a beer?
PRIDMORE: Hot Toddy
RENWICK: Shortcuts or the long way?
PRIDMORE: Long way
RENWICK: Would you consider this interview the long way?
PRIDMORE: No, I would consider this the incredibly tedious and annoying route. Can we be done talking now..forever.
THIS INTERVIEW IS OVER!!
As you can see John is a loveable guy who wants my cock. You can usually find him lingering around The Smiling Moose hosting the comedy themed open mic every Tuesday at 10:00. He’s on facebook and twitter @johnpridmore. His latest tweets spark controversy with Roseanne Barr. Good Shit.
Ronald talks about shitty food, bacon boobs, and begs for your e-mails!
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Here’s how it goes; I send an interview e-mail they reply, I reply, they reply, pencils down.
One of the best in-your-face comedians in the game today. Derek Minto tells stories of his unpredictable drunken episodes that he un-calmly pieces together for you on stage in an exciting montage of colorful language and frizzy Amish/Jew hair. Derek is a guy who reminds you that no one pays for lawn furniture and anything goes on stage. He produces a weekly podcast that even a black man would say, “Don’t hate the player, hate the game son,” in his rocket powered chainsaw music themed, Haters for Hire, that he uses to chop inside of comedians then throw in a barrage of Q&A, sprinkled with interesting news.
I sent the e-mail and here’s what happened…
Ronald Renwick: Do you feel slighted by your parents for the name Derek?
Derek Minto: Fuck no! My mom was a bad ass bitch for naming me Derek. There were very few Dereks growing up so most people would remember my name. Also, do you know what Derek means? “Leader of Men”. It’s basically my mom’s way of hinting I would be the John Connor of the Future.
Renwick: If you are the leader of men I will only be drinking the Kool-Aid depending on the flavor.
Minto: Well assuming all of this is taking place in a post-apocalyptic future, the flavor would be Reprocessed Human Bio-Soy.
Renwick: Do you enjoy Post-it notes as much as I do?
Minto: As I am unware of your love of post-it notes up until this point, I would have to say no.
Renwick: Maybe you are unaware of the little things in life?
Minto: Well I generally try to avoid anything that will make me look fatter then I already am. So little things aren’t good for my body images. That’s why I all my friends are bouncers.
Renwick: Flipboard is my favorite iPhone app; would you ever punch a woman in the face?
Minto: Interesting, my favorite is the one with the boobs. If you would of asked me five years ago, I would of told you no. After being an adult in the real world I have meet plenty of women who have deserved to be decked in the face one way or another. Your sex does not determine your capacity to be a giant fucking asshole.
Renwick: I didn’t ask you about your masturbation habits. What are your masturbation habits?
Minto: With Gusto!
Renwick: We have both confessed our love to one another for baked goods. What’s you favie?
Minto: Mini-Pies. I will give no further explanation as there is not one needed.
Renwick: You appear intelligent is that correct?
Minto: Eh, I just more self-aware then anything. Three degrees from a private university has taught me that I am smart enough to recognize when I fail at something but that I am not smart enough to prevent being a colossal failure at almost everything.
Renwick: Please solve this problem. If x < 0, then (-x * |x|)^1/2 is?
Minto: WHOA MOTHERFUCKER YOU SAID THERE WOULD BE NO MATH ON THIS.
Renwick: What won’t you itch in public?
Minto: I usually avoid my balls as it’s never a good look to be itching your gentiles in public. Whenever I see someone doing the old meat and potato shuffle, I think that there must be something seriously wrong with their junk if they HAVE to scratch it in public. Everything else is fair game.
Renwick: Mmmm meat and potatoes. There’s nothing better than meat and potatoes than meat and?
Minto: Even more meat?
Renwick: I fucking hate.
Minto: Sweating. I KNOW RIGHT!? I honest to fuck hate sweating. Which is kinda funny because I don’t like to exercise because it makes me sweat. But if I started exercising more, I would sweat less.
Renwick: Sex is a candid exercise. You should try more of that.
Minto: Good call. I’ll Google that later
Renwick: Who is the hottest chick on Friends?
Minto: Ross, Dinosaurs are hot
Renwick: Fuck you.
Minto: It’s not my fault Jurassic Park scared the fuck out of you when you were 18 years old. They aren’t coming back man. Get over it.
Renwick: You once grew a goatee that made you look like a grown man. Did it make you feel the same?
Minto: No actually, I grew a full one for the first time over the summer. I had tried to grow mustaches in the past but I found I just didn’t like it at all. It felt like it was trying too hard to look cool.
Renwick: Did it make you look rapey?
Minto: I think that’s the definition of trying to hard
Renwick: Have you showered today?
Minto: No, I never shower before answering personal emails at work. My job has a loose as fuck dress code. I wear flip flops and cut offs all the time.
Renwick: You do realize this e-mail will go global and stay impersonal and tarnish your “good boy” image.
Minto: My boss is using an invoice as a napkin. I’ll think I will be fine.
Renwick: Super market or eat out?
Minto: I like cooking so super market is best. Also, I have impressed many a lady with my cooking skills.
Renwick: Would you impress me?
Minto: Depends, I usually just make a box of instant mash potatoes and then sculpt them into a giant penis. The ladies usually get the message.
Renwick: Why am I asking so many god damn food questions.
Minto: Because you want to unlock the secret of being a giant fat asshole like me. It’s not nearly as cool as you would think.
Renwick: I’ve seen you sweat. You hardly stay cool.
Minto: Jazz cool
Renwick: Favorite comic strip?
Minto: Pearls before Swine. The comic creator regularly shows up as a character which is pretty amusing.
Renwick: Why the hell aren’t you in it? (I’m not calling you a swine. FYI)
Minto: I don’t know. I should be talking to my agent about booking me parts in comics i guess
Renwick: Hardest part about doing a podcast?
Minto: Keeping on top of creating episodes.
Renwick: In the realm of the unfuckables I am king. Who are you?
Minto: I am the mayor of one of your tiny villages, noonewantstofuckthisguyville.
Renwick: You owe me taxes.
Minto: Yah, and your never getting them either. I didn’t vote for you.
THIS INTERVIEW IS OVER.
Well there you have it. A very clean cut man that will charm the pants off of any lady, by cooking her a mashed potato penis after he answers his personal e-mails and takes a shower. You can catch Derek hosting the Smiling Moose Open Mic on Tuesdays starting at 10:00ish and at Hambone’s starting at 9:00ish. Don’t forget to check out his podcast at www.hatersforhire.com or on iTunes.
